been through so much. thinking alot too! just today when was ushering durin service, ming hui the worship leader spoke a while before starting the whole thing. he told us abt his dream where he was leading a worship and den the powerpoint slides went blank. the reactions he saw was not wad he expected though. people were complaining abt why the slides were not there. he tried to solve it by continuing to sing praises and found out that only a few of them followed him in singing while the rest juz stood there and some even left! he was telling us this " this is not a scene that we are suppose to have" and at tt time i just felt that if something like this happened in service and i'm one of the worshippers, will i be the grp who continued singing, the one who stood there motionless or the one who juz left? well many of us will say tt they will continue singing. but have you thought if that REALLY happened? will you all do wad u say u wld? i dunno abt me but i hope i will.

had a hectic day yest. went to Villa Francis Home to do my CIP. oh man. i cant forget one of the old lady. i was with her in the beginning and since they were abit "slow", they were given things to help their brains. things to play with lar. so this old lady was given a tub with both red and yellow beads. she was suppose to take out the red beads and put them in a basket. ok when she was done, i din know wad else to do. so i put everything back and now asked her to take out the yellow beads. this time... i dunno what happened but she seem to be telling me something. coz she kept taking only 5 beads each time she puts her hand in. i dunno wad tt signifies. each time she took out 5 beads, she turns to me and started toking to me in a dialect tt i did not understand. so i juz had to nod my head and pretend to understand. i somehow felt tt she was trying to tell me tt she had 5 children and all 5 abandoned her. she kept doing the same thing over and over again. i couldn't communicate with her so i cldn't confirm. but soo poor thing right? remembering the past and what their children did. i juz continued interacting with the other old folks and came across 2 ladies. one of which kept asking us to call her granny. we had to make her happy so we juz called. then beside her was this kinda young old folk. thank goodness she was able to speak english. she also was telling us abt the past. oh man. so sad. i remembered one incident there. there was this old lady who was very weak and can't walk properly. so the helper asked her to push the wheelchair till the lift. she managed to push halfway and den the helper asked me to sit on the wheelchair! but i had to assist her though. then as i approached the lift some Singapore Poly students who were there helping out oso laughed at me. oh man! so embarrassing! oh well. at least i helped...

in the afternoon went back to church to have a party for Inez. it was rather simple though. played a lil games and den had snacks. ttz all and went for tuition. it was jasper's birthday tt day too! went his house for bbq and at the same time reunite with my other sec 4 classmates. had a good time but had to leave early due to the fact tt i had to wake up early the next day. miss them though. :)

oh well. so many things happened yest tt i did not have time for God. thank goodness i still managed to keep myself awake on my bed to pray b4 i sleep. oh well. i remembered last time when i used to dislike group prayer coz i was afraid tt i wld not be able to pray good enough and i was rather closed up. now i understand the importance of gathering together to pray. tt is why i thank God tt he has instilled in me a desire to pray more often both individually and in a group. well... been praying for a change in heart since the time i disliked group prayer. ok lar not say disliked lar. just kinda uneasy.

tt uncertain feeling tt i experienced during the start of school term 3 is back again! i just dunno why i keep feeling that way but i just dun feel good abt this issue. i know i shdn't be thinking so much abt it but its just tt i can't stop thinking abt it. someone help me. i'm just afraid it might get over me and control all my feelings. i just wanna know everything right now and den it will stop me from imagining too much or interpreting right stuffs wrong. i tot i alreayd got everything settled but tt uncertainty juz fell on me again! AGAIN! oh well. right now i believe prayers do work and i am trusting that it will work this time. FAITH!

school work. investiture. stress!!! i juz wish everything can just disappear at this moment and i can enjoy life now. but ttz not the case. i believe God will see me through this time though. if u go through jc life u'll understand... as i said in my earlier blogs. haha. oh man. coz of these i've been having less sleep. which means i've been feeling very tired these days. which oso means tt i do not pay tt much attention as i used to in the past to tutorials and lectures. which oso means tt i will fail my mid-course exam which lead to me retaining. oh man. died. i'm sooo afraid of retaining. hafta study hard already! but alot of pressure is from my GP teacher! oh man. i can't stand it lor. keep giving homework tt is like almost impossible to do lar. and somemore so demanding. haiz. oh well. i undertand the importance of GP but its taking too much of my time already. esp the homework part. it seems tt i've only got GP to study for and nothing else. all my homework are like from GP only lar and not from the rest of the subjects. fainted.

Lord Jesus help me to cope with my studies and council work at the same time. Guide me through stress that i may grow to become somemore better in your sight Lord. See me through this time of pain Lord and bless me with your unconditional love. Thank you for changing me and my thinking of group prayer Lord and allow more opportunites to come by. In Jesus name I pray AMEN!