why do i hafta make my mum upset again? haiz. i understand how she feels and she ought to understand how i feel too! even though i may not project it out. oh well. as soon as i broke to her the news of my results, i thought she would be like scolding me for not studying hard or even banning me from using the computer. well... her reaction was otherwise. i must thank God for giving me such a wonderful and understanding mum! she just sat there and asked me what i intend to do. oh well. i just sat there and look at her... but with some guilt in my mind for not studying hard enough to prove tt i can make it on my own. haiz. i don't know if results had to do with the after-holiday effect. still, i must admit i didn't really study tt hard for this summer test. oh well. the thought of retaining in jc1 just scares me. i really can't afford to retain. i'll lose alot of things! most importantly i'll lose my precious time! better study hard already man! i need some motivation! oh well. hafta find them myself or create something out of nothing.
school was ok today. except for one significant point in time when i tried converting one of my classmates who is a freethinker but more to the buddhist side due to his parents. tried telling him about God but he kept asking me questions like why should i believe there's a God? oh well. ttz not the worse part. he was like telling me that Jesus died and did not rise again. like all christians are living in denial and are decieved by the fact tt He did not rise from the dead. like praying to God is more like finding comfort or calmness to do stuff. oh man! what am i suppose to say? i hafta respect his views afterall coz in this way then he will respect mine. oh well. all i know is tt what he said might have rocked my faith. he asked me, "why do you believe?" i was kinda stunned at tt moment. i was like asking myself tt question too! cause the bible tells me so? but this is like more of a personal question right? its between you and God. but by asking this, is it tt i'm not trusting Him? i'm so confused now! oh well. at least he's willing to come to my church to visit. coming this sunday for my church's anniversary. haiz. maybe its just the lack of bible reading.
decided not to go for founder's day dinner already. mainly coz my mum is unwilling to pay $50 for a buffet dinner in the parade square. no wonder only one person from my class attending it and he's kinda rich too. haha. should be going out with my ex-classmates for dinner on tt day. think i'll be letting my sec sch teachers down? i don't know. oh well. hope they don't mind. hope they understand!
fantastic 4 is like only 2 days away! u guys going to watch it? well. i am! i'm sure its gonna be great!
5 more days to sunday!
Lord please allow me to believe in you after this incident and allow my faith to grow much more! Open up his heart Lord so that i might speak to him without much difficulty and that he might just believe in You! Also enable me to discipline myself so that I'll know when is the time for me to study and when is the time to play. Be with me Lord. In Jesus Name I pray. Amen!
