I woke up this morning with a huge sense of laziness deep within me. I don't feel like doing anything, other than just resting on my bed and sleeping. That's all that I wanted to do. Darn it so many people called and message me when i was sleeping. Irritating. In total 1 person called me and 6 people messaged me. Only bothered to reply some of them. I was too tired la. My hands were so weak and I didn't want to move about. Now thinking of all the work that are needed to be handed in makes my head go spinning again. Crap. I just wasted the whole morning doing nothing again. Most of the time just resting on bed. If you haven't realised, I didn't go to school today. Hmmm. Darn today's weather is weird. One moment its bright, the other moment its raining. Now its bright again. Am I dreading going to school again? I just feel my whole body not wanting to go anywhere at this point in time. It feels weak and tired. I need days of rest. Maybe cause I didn't sleep that early last night. Was suppose to sleep at 9 but ended up sleeping at 11.45. Wasted so much time of my sleeping time. Darn.

Many problems start to arise in my life right now. If you do not plan your time properly, you are killing yourself, just like what I'm doing right now. I've come to realise that I haven't got much time left and should start studying but on the other hand my body is too weak and my mind is telling me to rest and enjoy for now. It's more of a battle. I know of one reason though. I've grown too far away from God already and I do not know how to get back on track with my christian life. I want to rely on him but at times it feels like I can do things by myself, and causing myself to falter as a result. I remembered Caleb telling me about him not walking the christian life using God's fuel, but with his own. I think this is the case for me. Can someone teach me to rely on God more? To use his everlasting fuel? Well, I'm kinda feeling fired up right now. Is it the holy spirit at work? Or is it just my own desire to do the things that I want to do?

Many things are piling up on top of my already busy schedule. The most significant thing would be orientation, which I still do not know when it will be. It will definitely be somewhat a rush. Next would be block test. I have not really settled down after my holidays and now here I am struggling to find time to do my tutorials, those which were supposed to be done long time ago. It's tough as a J2. Right now the one that's scaring me would be Chem spa. I missed chem prac again today and I know I'll suffer because of that for this wed spa. I really need to know and see God's power asap, or I'll just go down that never-ending pit and can never go climb out. Can someone motivate me? Can someone bring me up? Can someone carry me through? I know God can.