Soccer Jokes

These are some of the jokes that I came across. Please do not take anything here to heart. It's just a joke. =)


Q: Why can't you get a cup of tea at Old Trafford?
A: All the mugs are on the field and all the cups are at Anfield.



Rafael Benitez, Alex Ferguson and a boy scout were all on a chartered flight when an announcement was made that the plane was going to crash. The pilot announced that there were only 3 parachutes among the 4 of them but he would be taking one and off he jumped. Ferguson proclaimed:" I should definitely have one as I am one of the most successful managers and would be sadly missed if anything were to happen" and he just grabbed it, put it on and jumped down. Benitez turned to the boyscout and said:" you take the last one as I have had a long and successful life winning the spanish league and the champions league and have built a team which will win the premiership next year with my honour and you are so young . You have a whole life in front of you." The boyscout looked up at him with a big smile and said:"thanks Rafael, but why don't we both take one as Ferguson grabbed my Rucksack by mistake."



Q: What do you call a Chelsea fan on the moon?
A: A Problem

Q: What do you call 100 Chelsea fans on the moon?
A: An even bigger problem

Q: What do you call all the Chelsea fans on the moon?
A: Problem solved



Q: What does James Beattie do after Everton beat Liverpool?
A: Turn off his playstation



A Man City and a Man Utd fan collide in an huge accident on the motorway. Both cars are a wreck, but both men are unhurt.
"This must be a sign from God that we are meant to be friends," says the City fan. "I agree" replies the Utd fan.
The City fan then returns to wreckage of his car, and finds a bottle of whiskey he had been saving. "Look" he says to the Utd Fan, "this must be another sign from God, we should drink this whiskey to celebrate our friendship and survival." He hands the bottle over to the Utd fan who takes a large gulp from the bottle before passing it back to the City fan, who then puts the top back on and returns the bottle to his car.
"Aren't you having any?" asks the Utd fan. "No," replied the City fan, "I think I'll wait till the police gets here."



Steve Bruce signs a new superkid from a foreign country. On the 1st day of training, Bruce gets the ball and said," you get this and kick it at the goal." The new superkid looked abit bewildered but carries on nonetheless. Next day of training Bruce said the same thing," you get this and score a goal." Again the kid looked bewildered but carries on. Third day the same thing happened, "you get this and score a goal." Finally the foreign superkid gets up and says," Boss, I speak very good english and know what to do!" Steve Bruce says," Sit down son! I'm talking to Heskey."



Q: You're trapped in a room with a Grizzly Bear, a deadly rattlesnake, and a Man Utd fan. You have a gun with 2 bullets. What should you do?
A: Shoot the Man Utd fan. Twice.


71 days to Fifa World Cup 2006 Germany