April Fools... More Jokes.. =)Police have confirmed that theives have broken into Everton's trophy room and stolen its entire content. A statement revealed that they are looking for a man with a blue and white carpet under his arm.
Q: What's the difference between a jet engine and Jose Mourinho?
A: A jet plane eventually stops whining.
A news reporter is outside Anfield and happens to notice a young woman pushing a pram with her kiddie in it coming down the street. As the woman passes by one of the houses, a rottweiler runs out and goes for the kiddie in the pram. A young lad who happens to be walking towards the woman and kiddie sees what is about to happen and jumps on the dog and breaks its neck. The reporter then runs over to the young lad and tells him that he has a great story to write about him. "Liverpool supporter saves child from jaws of death" was what the reporter suggests, but the lad tells him he does not support Liverpool. " Brave Everton fan saves kid from rabid dog", but the lad tells him he does not support Everton either. "So who do you support?" asks the reporter. "Manchester United," says the young lad. With that, the reporter puts in his notes, " Manchester United supporter kills family pet."
At a recent Liverpool v Everton derby, Rafael Benitez goes into the Liverpool changing room to find all his team mates looking abit glum. "What's up?" "Well, we're having trouble getting motivated for this game. We know its important but it's only Everton and we can't be bothered, we always beat them." Rafael looks at them and says," well, I reckon I can beat them by myself. You lads go down to the pub." So Rafa goes out to play for the Reds by himself and the rest of the Liverpool team went off for a few beer. After a few pints, they wonder how the games was going, so they got the landlord to put the teletext on. A big cheer goes up as the screen read " Liverpool 1 - Everton 0 ( Benitez 10mins) . "He is beating Everton all by himself!"
A few more pints later and the game is forgotten until someone remembers," It must be full time now, let's see how he got on." They put on the teletext. "Results from Anfield. Liverpool 1 - Everton 1 (Benitez 10mins, Cahill 89mins). " They can't believe it! He has single-handedly got a draw! They rushed back to Anfield to congratulate him. They found him in the dressing room, still in his gear, sat with his hands on his head. He refuses to look at them." I've let you down, I've let you down." "Don't be daft, you got a draw, all by yourself. And they only scored at the very very end!" "No, no, I have, I've let you down..... I got sent off after 12 minutes."
Gary and Phil Neville were in a pub garden with their dog, enjoying a beer when a man walked out of the pub, goes up to their dog, lifts up his tail and looks at his behind for a bit, then walk off. Phil and Gary thought it was really weird but thought nothing of it and carried on drinking. About a minute later another man did the same thing. He even felt around with his hands, and then he staggered off. When a third man did this, about 5 minutes later, Gary says," Oi! Why is everyone lifting up my dog's tail and looking at his bum?" The man replies," there is a man in the pub who told me that there is a dog in the garden with 2 arseholes."
David Beckham calls Alex Ferguson a couple of days before a big game and says," "Coach, I'm having this problem." "Yes?" asks Ferguson. "Victoria bought a new puzzle and I just can't sort it out. It's really bothering me and I don't know if I will have my mind in the game if I do not figure it out before Saturday." "What's the problem with it?" Ferguson asks. "It has a chicken on the box but the pieces just don't fit. I tell you coach, I need to have it figured out before Saturday's game if I'll be any good. So Ferguson, upon hearing this, promptly answers,"I'm on my way to your place and we will have a go at it."
A little later, Ferguson enters Beckham's kitchen and walks into the kitchen where Beckham is leaning over the said puzzle. He takes one look at it and says," David! Put the damned Cornflakes back in the box!"
Wayne Rooney was being chased through McDonalds' by 15 Liverpool fans and gets beaten up. A witness was asked why he didn't help. "To be honest...... I thought 15 was enough."
