When I'm asked to look back to the time when I actually encountered God, I'll most probably struggle to find even one incident. I look into the mirror, and who do I see? I see a boy, with a normal face, with normal features (other that the eye) and also normal emotions. I'll be deceiving myself if I were to say my life right now is actually going pretty fine, with nothing to worry about. It's been a struggle. To actually live fully for God's glory. I know its expected of us, and on the contrary we always fall short of His standard, but somehow this word doesn't exist. The word TRY. I don't try this, I don't try that. I don't try making an effort to please God, I don't try making an effort to spend time with Him, I don't try making an effort to love the unlovable. *Maybe that's why I don't even feel God near. No wonder I can't think of any incident* I've said before, that I always envy people who are able to have God so so close to them, and its like He's part of them. But someone told me, that I shouldn't rely on these people to assist my relationship with God, because if so happen they stumble, I'll stumble with them.

So many things have been taught to me, so many things have been taught by me, and yet nothing has changed. Is it that I'm indulging too much in the world? I want to see it that way, because I know that I still have hope. But yes its really URGHHH to know that all your actions do not please God.

As a leader, I've always asked my kids, "who is Jesus to you?" I think I really have to ask myself that right now. I believe that Jesus came down to save us from slavery of sin. But I think that is who Jesus is to me at the moment. When will I be able to tell people, "Jesus is my best friend, I talk to Him everyday, He's my Saviour, He saves me from darkness, He's my comforter, He's always there for me when I'm down, He's my God, and I willingly give my life to Him cause He loves me so much."

Please wake up your idea BOY!!! Get real now!